The Frustration of Living with Chronic Pain

Sometimes living with chronic pain sucks because, well, it hurts.  But sometimes it sucks more because of the frustration of not being able to do things I want to do.

It was a gorgeous day outside today.  Sunny, warm but not too hot, a clear blue sky, perfect for a walk in the woods.  So Isaac and I hopped in the car and met a friend at a nearby park.

The path we took was not too hilly, the terrain not too rough.  An easy hike for just about anyone.  There were some fallen leaves on the path and there was a fallen tree branch partially hidden beneath the leaves and I stumbled over it.  I didn't fall.  It was just a minor stumble.  The kind of thing that would be no big deal for most people.

It jolted my back.  Just about everything jolts the back muscles.  I never knew that until my back got so back.  Sneezing is incredibly painful.  It jars the back muscles something awful.  When I stub my toe, it's not my toe that hurts, it's my back, from the jolt.  Going up and down stairs jars the back, too.

Anyway.  My back muscles went into a spasm and horrible sharp pains shot all the way down both legs.  It made me cry.

But I wasn't just crying because of the pain.  I was frustrated.

I was frustrated because it was a perfect day for a walk in the woods and all I wanted was to be able to walk without pain.  I was frustrated because I knew the rest of the walk was going to be excruciating and I knew I would have to go home and take pain meds and lie down on the heating pad and I had other stuff I needed to do and I didn't want to have to spend the afternoon sleeping off my pain meds instead of getting other stuff done.  I was frustrated because I need to do some cleaning in my house and I've been putting it off because of my back and I want to be able to do basic, simple stuff like everyone else can.

And I know, not everyone else can do basic, simple stuff.  Some people have much more severe physical disabilities.  That doesn't help my frustration much, though.